The List

I lost my list from last year. This could pose an issue. The list I am speaking of is my last years Christmas list. A very important document.

My mother always kept a notebook of Christmas gifts she had purchased. Each page listed each child and the gift & amount purchased. She kept it in her nightstand drawer. Once we were on to it we'd sneak in and check the list. She did a good job of spending an equal amount on each child. Once she knew we were on to it, she made two books. The fake one would contain nothing we asked for. Didn't take to long to figure out what she was doing.

I thought it was silly, but as I got older I started a list myself. I kept a notebook and therefore could look back a few years to assure I didn't give a gift I had given in a prior year. This especially helps with purchasing collectible items for someone. Last year I decided to put the list into a word document. Worked out quite nicely. But now it's gone. Vanished. I'm wondering if I erased it on purpose or may have tittled it something else to keep the nosey people out. Problem is I, myself forgot what I did. I managed to find some scribbling in a notebook from last year, but it doesn't say much. I shall not panic until all my resources are exhausted in the hunt.

Last week my mom fell and broke her arm. Did a pretty good number on it, as it required surgery to rebuilt the socket that the bone sits in. My mom knits a lot. She's made some very nice blankets, scarves, mittens and hats over the years. We place orders with Mom. One by one she's knitting blankets for her great grandchildren. This year was Dylan's turn. Let me just say that I can do some crocheting & knitting, but not as nicely as my mother. She's got patterns and colors going. When I received the phone call telling of the accident, she started out by asking if I could finish Dylan's blanket. After hearing the details of her accident I told her to send it and I'd finish it. "Oh no, that's okay" was her reply. This makes me chuckle as I picture the look on my mothers face at my suggestion. I know for a fact that she got off the phone , looked at my father and said "I'm not having her finish that blanket...have you seen her work" Thanks mom.

Divorce

After being married for nearly ten years, my daughter began single yesterday. Single to the point of also changing her name back to her maiden name.
I've known about the court date for a few months now and have been trying to "read" her. I often wonder how ironic life can be, in that some of her life mimics my own.

Has second thoughts before marriage- check
After a year into the marriage wants out-check
Husband begs her to stay & promises to change his ways-check
Husband cheats again and this time there's no forgiving-check
Move home with two kids-check.
Sits around moping for a while until Mom tells her to "get on with your life"-check

A few days before the court date we sat and had a heart to heart. I told her that when I divorced her dad that I was sad because it wasn't the course I thought my life would take. When I got married at 19 I was naive enough to think that life would be all rosy. I became the one that would deal with any financial and family issues while he just had a free for all. She had similar circumstances and therefore resentment begins to set in. At this point you have two choices: continue your course of being responsible and trying to get ahead on your own, or succumb to this person's immaturity and "settle" for the type of life you're in for. Turn your back on your spouse's infidelity and just be there whenever he needs you.
As a parent, I didn't want to see her marriage fall apart. Like me, she didn't reveal any of the problems leading to the split, but I could sense things weren't right. When she finally did break down and talk about some issues, it was very hard to keep my thoughts to myself. I could have ripped him apart, but then there was the fear that she'd go back and always know what I thought of her husband, so I ripped him apart to myself and friends. When she told me that she was going through with the divorce I wanted to whoop it up somewhere! I'm now very proud that she has chosen to get her life back on track and find herself again. It'll be a little bit of a rocky road for a while but I see the determination in her, and I think with a few pushes (or maybe a shove) she'll be on that track in no time.

Take the Squirrel

I'm not ready for the warm weather to move out. The forecast for the weekend is high 60's during the day and dipping down into the low 40's at night. I woke up this morning and it was a little nippy in our house as I'm not ready to close up all the windows yet. I like the crisp air and don't mind throwing on a sweatshirt. It may be time to close them at night. The cat was buried in the blankets and Sadie was all curled up on her rug this morning. I think if she could still make it up on the bed, she would have been there.

Ah, the camping weekend is upon me. 42 in the house is a little different then 42 outside. Canvas sides may not keep the chill out. I'm good with the forecast as long as rain doesn't sneak in there somewhere. 60's and sunny during the day is good. The bees may have already cut out so they won't be buzzing around every food item brought out and hopefully the days of the Asian beetles are over. Mosquito's=gone for the season.

We've had a owl hanging around our house for a while now. He sits on the basketball hoop. Usually when I leave for work he's setting off the sensor lights on the garage. It's nice that he lights the driveway for me. He may be after the abundance of rabbits and squirrels in our yard. It seems our dogs are not doing their job. On occasion you will see one of them get up and give chase to a rabbit. This morning I was almost to my car and heard the whoosh of the owls wings telling me that he was heading somewhere. He made a dive toward our front yard and swooped rabbit right up. I could do nothing but stand there and stare as the rabbit let out this horrible squeal. I wanted to yell "take the squirrel. They're the wreaking havoc on our yard", but he was gone and the rabbit was struggling. I think it was a lost cause.

I Am Just Way To Nice..Sometimes

"It's gotta be hotter than Africa in that huddle right now" actually came out of the radio announcers mouth during yesterdays Packer/Lions game. He was referring to the Lions huddle. I am not a huge fan of listening to the game on the radio but we made the wiser choice and chose Dylan's football game over the Packers. You can always DVR the Packers game and watch it later, but watching a tape of Dylan's game just wouldn't be the same as being there. The boys were a little sluggish in the first half allowing the Cowboys to score three times. After the half they scored two touchdowns and held the Cowboys. Whatever their coach said to them during half-time made them come out a different team. It was suggested that they not eat a big Sunday brunch prior to a game. They suffered their first loss 21-12 but didn't allow the Cowboys to score the entire second half. I tried to blame the loss on my mother-in-laws presence at the game. It seems every time she shows up for a football game they lose. She is banned.
The Cowboys have a very vocal and rude sideline and the coaches are pretty verbally brutal. We've experience this for the past several years. There is one woman in particular whose voice carries across the field. Just brutal.

I received a phone call this weekend from my ex-husbands soon to be ex-wife. They owe me some money and haven't been able to pay yet. She started making some excuses when I broke in and asked why it was her responsibility to pay me back. Why was she making this phone call and not him? Why is she sitting at home worrying about money and he's out spending money on his newest woman? Well, she wanted to talk to me and apologize for being a bitch to me when her and Ron first got together. In case she never sees or talks to me again, she just wanted to straighten some things out. Wanted to thank me for never suing them for child support and apologize for not being able to help out enough. This isn't her place to apologize for these things. These were his kids, his responsibility and his failure as a husband and father. I did however accept the first apology because she came into the relationship with him like Hitler and I wasted a lot of time arguing with her. Her famous quote was that she was "standing by her man". Well, look what that got her.

Responsibilities

Here comes another post regarding priorities. Must be a subject that really irks me because I tend to write about it a lot.

I have not always made the wisest choices in my life, but I can tell you that I have borrowed money once from someone and paid it back before I spent money on nonessential items. By nonessential, I mean things I did not need or could wait until I paid this person back. The money I borrowed haunted me until I made the last payment. This was an emergency borrowing situation and this person was kind enough to offer. I paid them back because I borrowed the money and it was my responsibility to pay them back.

I am careful about who I borrow money to. We have been hit up by relatives to help them out a little. Some were worthy of it. What makes me angry is the borrower that promises the pay back with the next check or anticipated tax return. One of the all time favorite excuses I've heard is "oh my gosh, I forgot". How do you forget you borrowed money from someone? I'm not talking about the quarter, nickle or dime one might borrow for the vending machine. I'm talking about the hundred dollar amounts.

Two issues stick out in my mind that bother me. The first was years ago when I received a call from a friend crying about how they had no money and could not afford groceries or diapers for their baby. Since we had borrowed money to them before without being paid back, I was hesitant. Instead of cash we went to the store and purchased the items for them. We brought the items over to their house and the husband came home with a case of beer and bottle of alcohol. Great priorities.

Same couple years later. Husband is in hospital on and off for two months. They're living on bare minimum as he's been out of work for a while. Many people jump forward and pay bills for them and come up with cash and gift cards to help them out. This is a situation where I didn't expect to be paid back. What I didn't expect was to drop in to visit a few weeks later and see a brand new flat screen TV in their living room and one in their bedroom. Once again-priorities. Basically the only conversations her and I have are when I listen to how broke they are. Yes, prescription medications and hospital bills will take a toll on your bank account, but so will over spending on unnecessary items.

Now lets get to the story that really bothers me. Daughter of hospitalized father lives out of state. She wanted to visit her father. The drive would have taken her 12 hours. She wanted to fly in as she had a limited amount of time. Several people offered to pay her plane fare but when it came to actually do so they backed out. The father's sister purchases her a one way ticket. She spends about 2 hours at the hospital with her father and then goes about visiting friends, getting her hair cut and picking up a few items. We get a phone call from her stating that the aunt had told her we were buying her ticket home. I offered to borrow her the money. She didn't know when she'd be able to pay me back. They were so broke. So I purchased the over-priced one way ticket and told her that we'd work something out with paying it back. A week after the girl arrives back home she sends a email with her new $600.00 dog. Within a month or so she sends pictures of her new camper. In the course of all this I get a call from her mother thanking me for paying for her ticket. I explain that we helped her out by borrowing her the money.
Over the course of the last two years the girl has purchased several big ticket items, including just recently another $600.00 dog, yet she is still posting about how she is always broke. I am so close to reminding her of her obligation to pay this money back. I am more angry now because of the disrespect that she has shown. She is my god-daughter and over the course of her life I have done more than the average person would do. The girl is 33 years old now and I am constantly reminded not to forget her birthday or Christmas. Really?

No Mental Mistakes

"Don't make the same mental mistakes that caused the Green Bay Packers to lose to the Bears" This is the message that the President has passed on to students in Wisconsin. Did he just jot that down on the plane ride. Maybe he figured that talking sports was a way to hold their attention.



I'm glad yesterday is over. The loss was tough enough, but they lost the game over the penalities they committed. Period. Chat rooms were buzzing yesterday putting the blame on the refs. Co-workers were complaining about the refs. And then last night at Dylan's football game people were still talking about the bad calls made by the refs. Maybe there might have been one or two, but for the most part from what I saw, the Packers were at fault. They lost the game due to their mistakes. If they can own up to it then their fans need to also.



I watched an interesting show on PBS last night about baseball. Funny how when every day life goes on you forget something as news worthy as the baseball strike. Showed the half empty stadiums after the strikes, people throwing money onto the field and the heckling of the players. Former President Bill Clinton also stepped in (according to the program). They credit Cal Ripken Jr. with bringing baseball back to where it should be. For setting a starting record and being the greatest shortstop in baseball history. I guess I dozed off right about then, so I'll have to see if I can find it on demand to hear the rest of the story.

Back to football. A man appears at Dylan's game last night sporting a Chicago Bears hat. He took some slack for it, including from his kids. "Dad, did you forget you're a Packer fan" The guy gives the worst reply in the world. "Yeah, but the Bears have the top record right now"
Now there is a loyal fan for you.

And we're walkin

Yesterday marked the 4th year our group has walked in the Susan B Komen race for the cure. The first year was the group of girls and then the guys joined us in the years after. Proud of my daughter who along with her friend and her daughters made the walk yesterday also.

I was always aware of breast cancer and like everyone else knew someones sister, friend, mother or daughter who had breast cancer. It's something that one is aware of but unless it hits someone close to you , it's stored in the back of your mind. In the past I had donated to the Cure and read many articles and life stories of those affected. As much as I dreaded it I faithfully had my annual checks after turning 40. Than it hit our family with a double whammy. First Nanette and then my mother. Two of the strongest women I know. Two fighters.
Nanette's diagnosis woke my mother into having a mammogram which she had skipped for several years. This allowed them to find her cancer very early on and not much treatment was needed. I had been on her for years to keep having them, so this was the one time I got to say "I told you so" to my mother. Not under the best circumstances, but I think I was allowed that one.

The walk is for a good cause. Yesterday's walk was a record crowd. I have been pretty fortunate in joining Nanette for the survivor breakfast each year. As I sit with her I look around at all the people in pink Survivor tee shirts. These are ordinary people who have been stricken with the disease. I look at the time and effort these people put in to hats, tee shirts and accessories and see the smiles on their faces. This is their day. Their day to celebrate the obstacles they have over come. Their day to hope that someday soon there will be a cure for this disease. I celebrate that I can sit there with my friend feel proud to be with her. (oh, and the bagels are good also) I sit there hoping for the same thing they do. For a cure.

Once done with the Survivor breakfast it's on to meet up with the rest of our fellow walkers. We don't have an overly large group, but the group we have are close and there for a good cause and for the support of our friend. Scanning the crowd will show all the other people there for the same reason. For their mom, wife, husband, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, and the list goes on.
As I'm walking I get into the habit of looking at the tags on their backs and seeing who they're walking for or in memory of. It disturbs me to see so many "in memory of" tags.
Yesterday was a record crowd. I felt proud to be a part of it. I plan to continue walking along with my friend until there is a cure. I will walk afterward also, to give my thanks for someone finding a cure. A pat on the back to all those who took the time and effort to support the cause yesterday. It was good to be a part of it.

I Want Some Answers!

There may have been some details from yesterday that prompted the dream/nightmare I had last night.
Yesterday afternoon facebook was down. Upon arriving home both my granddaughters and daughter were sitting at the kitchen table brooding. I had to remind them that facebook being down is not the end of the world and life would go on. Later on when I checked my email I found a friend request from my ex-husbands current wife (divorce in process). Not only did I find one from her, but then also one from his 2nd wife. I found it funny. Was it now time to get together and bash Jon publicly? I smell some sinister reasoning for this. I also found it odd that wife #2 and wife # 3 are friends now. Is there some club forming that I am invited to? Will I feel left out if I don't join.
My thoughts and feeling regarding Jon will not be aired on facebook. It's a natural fact that people will write more than they have the guts to say in person. I've also recently been witness to a bashing on fb that involved a person who did not have fb and was therefore unable to defend them self. Facebook is for fun. It's to share things with people. It's not to publicly bash a defenseless person. Nuff said. On to the dream.

I am at Dylan's football game intently watching the game. Wife #2 and #3 come walking over wishing to speak to me. I wave them off and tell them whatever it is can wait until after the game. I begin to notice other people around me. My ex-sister-in-laws, a few friends we had as a couple, my mother and a group of current friends. I look over and see ex husband with his current girlfriend (90 lb crack head-for real). I begin to wonder if something is up.
Flash forward to end of game and Dylan coming over to the sidelines. I try to get a picture of him and new girlfriend tries to get in the picture. This makes me angry and I ask her to move. She begins to cry and asks what she needs to do to be accepted by Jon's family. I start to laugh and wish her luck.
I am then face to face with Jon and mention that he owes me some money (that part is true). He begins to cry and tell me that he cannot believe how much he messed his life up. Points to the girlfriend and two ex's and tells me none of this would have happened to him if I had never divorced him. I explain to him that cheating will get you a divorce. He swears that if I take him back that it will never happen again. He just wants a chance to be happy again. The ex's appear and back him up. My stomach begins to churn and I can feel myself getting angry. I ask him why he did it in the first place and he tells me that he just figured I wouldn't care. I go on to tell him that I'm glad he did or I wouldn't be where I am now. The ex's are still backing him up and the girlfriend begins to chime in also. I looked for Barney to tell him it was time to leave and he tells me to make a choice right now. Huh? I am so confused that I wake up from the hellish dream. I actually think I forced myself awake because I felt instant relief and sighed when I woke up.

So the dope brings the current girlfriend to Dylan's game the other night. No shocker to me as he's done worse but I think he could have maybe introduced the girl to the grand kids at a more appropriate time and place. The little I know about her had come through my kids. Wife #3 filed for a separation a few months ago. She did it in hope that it would scare him and they'd work thing out. It backfired on her as he wasted no time in making his current fling public.
I'm not really interested in joining the club. The way I see it is I got the only good part of that marriage. Two kids.

News Flash

According to the newspaper and radio broadcasts this morning the Recession ended in July of 2009. This seems to have come as a shock to many people. If the recession has ended then why hasn't my husbands wage been restored? Why are people still having problems selling their homes? Why are so many people still out of work and still losing their jobs? Why are there still so many foreclosures and bankruptcies being filed?
Has the recession ended, or are people just learning to live with the financial downfalls?
I understand that when the economy was good people got a little more comfortable with their spending. Interest rates were down, luring people in to purchasing homes they really could not afford and using charge cards they would soon find out of control. We've always been a bit cautious about our spending, assuring that if there was a loss of a job or some sort of emergency the bills would still be payable. I can understand the trap that some people have been caught in. The realization that these things have to be paid back can slap one in the face. I have seen friends/relatives get caught up with the loss of a job or medical issues. I am no where near an expert on finances, but some of these mishaps were self-inflicted. Out of control spending.
This concludes the soap-box portion of my blog.

On to the Pirate Wedding we attended. When the details of the wedding first started coming out I thought it was kind of silly. I've been to several themed weddings in the past and thought them cute and original. Wasn't sure how well the pirate thing would go over. They picked the perfect place for the wedding. The South Shore pavilion. The building and natural scenery was perfect. The couple put a lot of time and effort into the planning and decor.
I wasn't aware that my husband was planning of dressing the part until about two weeks ago. He made several trips to thrift shops and Goodwill looking for items. We ended up running around to several Halloween stores over the weekend to complete his attire and find things for me. He looked good. Some would say there was not much of a difference but I must argue the point. His normal attire does not consist of a ruffled shirt or stripped pants. The wig he wore drove him nuts. I wanted to braid the hair for him but he'd have no part of that.
The ceremony itself was short and well written by the groom. Dinner was good and was of a Caribbean Cuisine. The beef was good but I shied away from the salmon. The reception was supposed to last until 11:30 but was almost empty of guests by 9. Being that it was a Sunday I'm going with the fact that most people needed to work on Monday. That and the fact that the band was not holding the crowd. I'm not sure that the bride and groom even cared that the place was just about empty. They seemed very relieved that things went so well, but were dead tired from all the planning and set up. All in all is was a lot of fun and the crowd participation was more than they hoped for.

Out Of Sorts

I have zero tolerance for people that lie to me. Or shall I say "attempt to pull one over". We dropped our truck off for repair yesterday afternoon and were told we'd have a free loaner. This entailed the service manager calling the rental car place a few blocks away and having them pick us up. The car rental guy showed up a few minutes driving a Jeep. My first thought was we were going to drop him off and have the Jeep. Bubble burst! We got back to the car rental place and were told we would be given a Silver Honda Civic that just came back and was getting washed at the moment. The loaner itself is free but then came the spiel regarding insurance. Our car insurance will cover any vehicle we drive, but then there's the deductible and the fact that if we take their insurance there will be no charges at all to us except the $15.00 a day to carry it. This, in my eyes, makes the loaner not free. My husband brought up the fact that our credit card automatically covers any charges incurred by an accident. Well that would be fine and dandy if we had used the credit card to rent the car in the first place.
After all the paperwork was done we went to check out the car prior to leaving. No dings, dents or damage found except normal wear and tear. The guy is talking this car up like it's the best thing since baseball. We got the keys and when starting it up I immediately notice the flashing service light. I call the guy back over and he tells us that the car is fine, they probably just forgot to reset the warning after the last oil change. Goes on to explain that the cars are checked out via computer and it checked out fine. I bring to his attention that the warning signal is noting that it required service 1.2 miles ago. Seeing that the car just came back a few moments before we came in can he honestly say it was checked out? He did note it on the paperwork and off we went.
I hate the car for several reasons. I'll never be able to find it in a parking lot unless I memorize the plate numbers. Have you ever noticed how many silver Civics's there are? It's way to low to the ground. I watched my husband just about exit on his knees. I feel vulnerable in this little car, after driving a truck for 10 plus years. I don't think it goes over 60. The stupid warning light drove me nuts as it was flashing all the way to work. The radio is good. The seat adjustment is really awkward and not power. I guess I just got spoiled.
I'm so out of sorts with this car that I forgot my phone this morning. Not that in itself is not a good feeling.

The Red Mullet

I started a water aerobics class last night with my friend Donna at a suburban high school. We had taken the class about 2 years ago and the attendance was low so they had cut out the class the following season. The teacher at the time was a little more intersted in gabbing with the ladies than teaching a class.
We arrived last night and found the parking lot to be packed. I figured walking the little extra to the entrance was a good think while my friend wanted to get closer. I wasn't about to drive around waiting for a spot to open so while listening to her complain we made the hike. In the past class there were about 15 women tops. We walked into the pool area and were among the 30 women enrolled in the class. I noticed some women from the past class we had attended.
One woman in particular must have felt she was the queen bee of the class. She noticed us right away and had to make her way to welcome us back. She started bringing us up to date on the "gossip ". I have no interest nor do I know these people. I'm there for the class, so I slowly backed away from her.
When the instructor appeared I had to do a double take. Change the red mullet hair style and she could have been my friend Kim. The facial expressions, the body movements and the sternness in her voice was right on. My friend who has only met Kim and handful of times had a hard time believing it wasn't her. She was very vocal and very descriptive in the routine we should be following. I give her a 10 in teaching abilities.
I found the class to be interesting. Got a good work out but also noticed that about 1/2 of the class was much more interested in chatting and doing their own thing rather than listening to the instructor. I guess being the newbies kept us out of the loop. The head hen kept moving over toward us and letting us know she takes the class twice a week and has been for years. One girl, also new, who joined the class to lose weight commented that the "chubby head hen" should move instead of gab and maybe she'd lose a few hundred pounds.
I didn't give much thought to after the class. The changing room is a little chilly and as of right now going outside afterward was okay. The class goes until the first week in December. It's going to be a little chilly in the future. My friend brought up the fact that we could be standing outside scraping windows. I may need to find a Saturday morning class for the winter session.

Sept.13th

Today would have been my brother David's birthday. Funny how certain days stick out in your mind. I remember eating dinner and my father trying to get us to hurry as he had to take Mom to the hospital. It was so quick that the dinner dishes didn't get done. My aunt and grandmother came to pick my two brothers and I up and my aunt almost got into an accident on the way back to grandma's house. We stayed there a while until my dad came back to tell us we had a brother. I had wanted a sister but got over it pretty quick. I also had to do the dishes when we got back home.
Anyway..remembering David on his day.

Vacation

This was my home for 6 days. You'll notice my husband legs as he sits in his chair which was his home for 6 days. I guess you could minus the times he sat at the table playing cards or eating, and the times he got up to play washers and go to the bathroom. He appeared to have a very relaxing week.
We hit some rain on the trip up and the credits were mounting. I'm not sure they ever cashed in on their Jack & Cokes. We stopped at the usual diner for a quick bite to eat prior to the last 10 miles to the campground. Waitress remembered offering to help one of the guys pitch his tent. I think she may have forgotten the message she had shown him on his phone, or she chose not to discuss it due to other customers being in the diner.
We lucked out with good weather. Had a few windy days which made fishing a little difficult. I did manage to catch the first fish which had to be released as he was a tad bit to small. Dick had a pretty good size carp that he had hooked in the back. He handed over his fishing pole so I could get the feel of a larger fish. Big ugly thing had to be tossed. Where was Catfish Charlie when you needed him? That would have made some good eats for his cat.

The casino took up some time but was pretty much a bust for all. I managed to come out a little ahead but nothing to write home about. Damn the no carrying in wood laws as it cost us a small fortune to purchase wood every day. It proved worth it as we had some pretty good fires. The citronella candle in the fire wasn't as great as the first one we'd done years ago. Sometimes you just can't repeat history.
As usual there were some pretty good quotes going around but I never felt like getting up and getting a paper and pen to write them down and my phone (believe it or not) was not getting service. I missed my phone but proved that I could go 6 days without it. I did cheat a little and made a few calls on the way to the Casino. I would mention some funny things and a Trevor Hoffman related comment that was made...but I guess what happens at Yellowstone stays at Yellowstone. Maybe a few beers would help to get it out.
All in all I had a great time. Coming back was hard. Missed certain people and my pets but did not miss the daily grindstone of work. The attempt was made to purchase the correct lottery ticket but I guess it's just not the right time.
Guy at work told me that camping was to much work. He doesn't get the reasoning for packing up all your stuff and sleeping outside and then having to come home and have more work waiting for you. Sometimes you have to put a little effort into having a good time. I had a great time and am looking forward to doing it again next year. Hopefully with the entire group. Two of our fellow campers were greatly missed.

And Off She Goes

Our niece is college bound as I write. She's not the first to go off, but she is the daughter of my late brother David. This is an event I know he would be beaming about. My daughter rode along with her and her mother to help move her in and "check the place out", so I'm getting updates along the way. She said Nicole shows no signs of nervousness-just plain excitement.
She wasn't scheduled to make the trip, but with a last minute ditching by another niece she was happy to fill the spot. I think she feels good about going along to assure Nicole is all set. My brother and daughter were very close so if he's looking down I'm sure he's content in knowing his daughter is in good hands.

From the time Nicole was born my brother was beaming. Proof is in the hours and hours of video taping he did of her every move. Like all families the first one has all the pictures and videos and when number two comes along they lessen. She shared his love of Mustangs and the Packers. Apparently we didn't do a good job of keeping that up as she could care less about football now. They would come over on Sunday's for Packer games and she would sit next to him and watch the entire game. The two of them had a collection of football helmets and at one time she could name every team by their helmets. I think she may have been five at the time.

I envision him being around now and her going off to College. I'm almost certain that my brother would have found a Domino's around her Campus to work at and in a heartbeat would have relocated. Otherwise he would be up there every chance he had. If all holds true to what I've always been told he's up there watching over her now. She's doing great and it's hard to watch her go. She got all the lectures last night and I'm sure she'll experience the life of freedom in some ways. We warned her that she's not that far away. Aunties J & A are all about the road trips. If she's anything like Ben's opera star, she will flourish.

It's just hard watching the little girl with the cowboy boots and hat going off on her own. I'll get over it. Soon.

Scratch That Weekend...

Maybe it was the date, like an omen haunting us. Two years ago on this same weekend my brother passed away. The events leading up to his passing started the weekend prior when we were camping. I'm not one to be superstitious but I think I may cut the entire August camping thing off my list.

This weekend started out good. We got an early start and had things set up and were kicking back within two hours of arriving. Then the storm warnings started coming through, the wind picked up and the rain started. A few minutes into the storm we all heard a rather large thump and first thought was something bounced off the top of the camper. It wasn't much later that we discovered the thump was the tree branch that hit our truck. Left a nice dent in the hood. A picture was taken and the branch was burned in the fire pit. The rain eventually stopped, the jack & cokes were consumed and the night went on.

The next morning we discovered more damage to the truck. The windshield is cracked and there is another crack in the hood. Never saw it the night before, but there were leaves on the truck and it was raining. I feel fortunate that the falling branch did damage to the truck and not to one of us. The rest of the time spent camping went pretty well. There was a little giddiness at camp as some of the campers were taking off for Vegas later in the day.

When we got home I went to unpack the cooler and when opening the fridge I found it to be warm. The freezer items were still frozen. We ended up loading everything into the downstairs fridge and coolers. The mighty maintenance man found that the compressor was shot. The fridge is around 30 years old and came with the house. It didn't seem worth fixing so off we went to Menards to purchase a new fridge.

Ended up with a very plain fridge. I really didn't have the time to shop around and compare prices and I also knew that there really wasn't anyone around to help him carry the fridge in beside me. All in all I didn't get a fridge that I like very much. I think Barn knew it as we were walking out of the store as he has now doomed us further. "I know that's not the one you wanted but it'll be good in the basement. Plus it came with a 25% in store rebate that I'll be able to buy the sump pump with". I think he may still have the slap marks on his arm. And one should never ask "what's next". On my way to the car I simply looked up toward the sky and said" What else you got? Bring it on!

So, I felt a little sad this morning and I know family members are also still struggling with the loss of our brother/father/son. I have my moments which I thought would go away after a while. Its just not on the date he left us, or his birthday, or holidays. I miss my brother and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of him in some way. I'll admit I don't cry as much but it still hurts. I don't know what step I'm on as far as the grieving process, but I still can't get past the anger part of it. My day was cheered up a bit with a 5:30 am phone call from my friend/sister-in-law from Vegas. I talk to a lot of people during the course of my day, but it's only a few that can get me out of a funk. I thank GOD everyday that 10 years ago my brother made a very wise choice in marrying her.

I Want to go !

To Vegas with my friends.

Walking To Memories

Toward the end of last week I decided to get back on track and start walking outside again. Waiting until early evening proved to be a good idea as the weather cooled a little, however the mosquito's were vicious. Early mornings on the weekend tend to work out better. I wish every day could be a weekend because I love walking in the morning. There is nothing better than having the sidewalk to yourself except for an occasional jogger or fellow dog walker. Sadie seems to do better in the early morning also. My initial thought was to get up an hour earlier every morning and hit the pavement with my four-legged walking partner. This morning my alarm went off and reality set in. Sadie was snoring away and I didn't want to wake her. She looked so peaceful. (not a valid excuse). So my walk will be after work, which really isn't to bad. The humidity and oven like heat seems to have taken a break.

So each day, with poop bag in hand, Sadie and I have set out for our 2 mile walk. I make sure she's hydrated and has made her deposit prior to leaving. I have taken to counting how many houses we go past before she feels the need to poop. The first day she made it about 3 blocks and decided to squat and poop on a semi-busy street. Nice. Nothing better than picking up poop while cars are buzzing by. Day two she waited until we were almost back home which I thanked her for. I've begun to carry two bags. One for the early deposit which I can usually find a garbage can to dump it in rather than carry it 2 miles. The other day I took Bella along also, who managed to make the entire trip without incident. By yesterday I thought Sadie would get the routine under control and be able to make it without me having to stoop and pick up poop. No, we made it four houses away and there she went. I thought for sure she wouldn't make the rest of the trip without doing it again. Even went an extra 1/2 mile. She made it! We'll see what today brings.

I like walking the neighborhood. It beats walking in the house staring at the TV. Each day I try to change up the route a little to take in some different scenery. Strolled past my elementary school and saw that they have grades K-4 through 8th grade now. Wondered if they still play dodge ball on the lower playground. The lower playground was only for the 6th graders when I attended the school. Funny how it made us feel so grown up, but yet cut off from the rest of the school.

I live in the neighborhood where I grew up so it's interesting to see the changes. Walking past former classmates and friends homes I sometimes see their parents still live in the homes. Wondering how many of my classmates bought their parents home like I did. Last night I took the path through the park that we used to hang out at. When Ben and I were younger we used to get with friends and being that the park was not developed yet, would go and have bonfires deep in the woods. Had this whole set up with logs to sit on and a small fire pit we dug out. We used trees that were down , branches and leaves to keep the fire going. The path is now asphalt and I can still see the spot we hung out at. We hung out there for an entire summer and never once had anyone come through. Of course the area was not to developed and the woods was pretty thick. There used to be a fairly large pond that I learned to ice skate on. My dad would come with us and I would skate and my brothers would sled. We had the park to ourselves. The pond has now been drained and covered up and I'm pretty sure the hill shrunk. The park is built up with basketball courts, a baseball diamond, soccer practice and a playground. The kids all looked to be having a good time but I wonder if they'll have the memories that I do.

I'm In a Band

In my dreams that is. I woke up the Saturday morning around 5am and decided that for being a Saturday it was just a bit to early to get up. I turned on the TV and started watching Drumline. I've watched the movie before but it won over the millions of infomercials and religious shows that were also playing.
I figure I dozed off during the first ten minutes and couldn't have been asleep more than 1/2 hour or so when I woke up laughing. Once again I fell asleep during a movie and took on a role in the movie. It was a star-studded dream.
First off my friend Kim was the band leader. We all had blue uniforms with the tall white furry hats (looked more like the guards at Buckingham Palace). Kim was out in front just marching away with her baton in hand. She also had a whistle in her mouth that she would not stop blowing (found out later that annoying noise was actually my daughters alarm clock). My husband was playing the tuba and smoking a cigar in between. Steve was walking along playing an electric guitar with an amp strapped to his back. He was sweating. Jodi was on the flute and was wearing a skirt with white boots. Then there's Janet who was playing the drums and walking next to her husband also playing the drums and they kept switching drumsticks in mid air (very talented). Our friend E was playing a trumpet and I was walking next to him holding his sheet music, not playing anything. The most vivid part of the dream was walking down Howell Avenue and Kim just going to town with that baton. Pete was standing on the curb waving us on. Gotta love the fun dreams.

Then there's the deceased brother dream. He gave me money to go to Vegas. Some of the gang are going to Vegas next week and I opted to stay home with the husband that does not fly. I have the urge to go, but I guess it can wait. In my dream my brother showed up and said he knew how much I wanted to go, and he'd take care of things while I was gone. He showed up with his suitcase and was ready to take care of the household. Don't want to analyze that dream.

Dreams Again

I seem to be having a lot of action dreams lately. The ones where you wake up in the midst of moving around. At first what you're doing is a little fuzzy but then you either wake fully and laugh it off or just fall back to sleep and forget it.
The other night I went to bed and must have fallen asleep pretty quickly. According to my husband we were in the middle of conversation and I drifted off. I recall slipping into a dream where I grabbed the girls basketball off the porch to put it away in the garage where it belongs. On my way to the garage Barney intercepted the basketball and began to dribble and then shoot a couple baskets. I asked for the ball back explaining that I needed to put it away and if he continued to play with it he'd just leave it lay in the driveway. He kept urging me to shoot a few. I told him I wouldn't shoot against him because he cheats and always blocks my shots (isn't that what basketball is about..blocking shots). Anyway I took the ball and backed up to attempt a hook shot. As I put my arm out to shoot he ran up from behind me and blocked my arm and thud I hit a solid wall. "What the hell" I heard as I woke up and realized that I had carried out the motions and decked him pretty good in the chest. I was going to apologize but figured he probably had it coming for something so I went back to sleep.

More than a book

Did you ever think about how many uses there are for a book beside reading? First you must take into account the size of the book. For example a paperback book can be used to prop a door open, add a little more height to a reading lamp, and if thin enough it can be used to prop up a table leg. A phone book or catalog has many uses. Doubled up they can make a booster seat for a child. As the child gets older and taller you can remove one book (showing my age here as we didn't have booster seats when I was younger). Short little old ladies use the phone book to sit on while driving. My use for the phone book today was to add more height to my monitor. I have had some neck and shoulder pain for the past few weeks. My monitor at home is positioned so I can look straight at it. Work is another story. There are several areas where I use a computer and the monitors are not positioned to be operator friendly. I could lug my paperwork back to my office and sit and enter it all there, but its not a very efficient practice. I find myself constantly tilting my head back to see the monitor. It's an area where the PC is at standing height and the monitor is above it. Unless you're Paul Bunyan it's not very user friendly. I'm working on getting that problem resolved. At one time someone in my office had a box made to set the monitor on. I'm a little taller than that person and have asked for a shelf several times. I've rummaged through the "old office equipment" area with no luck. This morning I took it into my own hands and found a phone book from 2004 , slid it on top of the box and my life has now been made easier. For now.

My sick husband seems to be recovering. He's a little spent but should have his energy level back to normal within a day or so. On top of his being ill he discovered that the rash he had on his leg above his ankle is poison ivy. His nurse wife fixed him up with some ointment and gauze to keep it covered. I think in his delirium he didn't realize what it was, just that it itched. Web MD is a wonderful thing.