As parent's we're supposed to give our children advice and hope that some of it sinks in. I mean, we all listened as children right? I listened but usually not until it was to late.
Back in late October when I said "Don't move out with this guy yet" it fell on deaf ears. It was to soon and I also felt that it wasn't fair to her kids. But he had a house and all this room and he had his two kids and they were going to be one happy family. Three months later all seemed well and she also announced that she was pregnant. Foolishly I thought that things would be good. The pregnancy wasn't planned and we can all think about how it wasn't very smart, but what's done is done and it'll be dealt with. Outwardly they seemed like a big happy family.
Then I began to see some odd things. She was the one picking his kids up from school and mentioned a few times that he kept changing around his schedule to work later at night. She'd ask him to run for something from the store and he'd be gone for 2 hours. He didn't concern himself with his kids schoolwork or discipline them.
Prior to my daughter getting pregnant she had had several back surgeries and had been weaning herself off pain medication. He was all for it at first, but she would still have some days where the pain was bad. She had no intention of taking or doing anything that would be harmful to the baby. She had been pregnant twice before and lost both early on, and wasn't taking any risks. He was constantly pushing her to have her prescriptions filled and mentioned that they could wean the baby off the meds when it was born. This sickened her (and me when she told me).
Well little to know it was then discovered that he had a pill popping habit and if she could get her prescriptions filled it would be cheaper on him. She was done with him at that point.
That is when we got the call. At first she was looking in to renting an apartment. After some discussion my husband and I felt she should come back home until after the baby was born. Save some money-get her self together-find a job and then go. She has a pattern of doing things in haste but I don't see her going back. He's not really made any effort to try and hold the relationship together. Just mentioned that he hopes she doesn't rake him over the coals for child support. I guess we don't have to worry to much about him wanting any custody as since she left he has only seen his kids once, and hasn't yet told them she was gone.
So the past several days have been spent cleaning out rooms to make room for them. Nine bags of stuff went to Goodwill and the attic is once again over flowing. I joked that she must come back every time we accumulate to much which helps us in ridding ourselves of junk. Similar to a spring and fall cleaning.
So we had a little chat yesterday about her getting her life together. I took into consideration her three back surgeries, her divorce and her recent happenings. I mentioned that she had a choice to sit around and wallow in self pity or do something about it. What's done is done so get up and go from there.
My husband tried to be funny in quoting from a television commercial "Don't leave us with the babies". This would be my nightmare. I do give her more credit that that.