Un-Friend

I have a social network account that I use to play several games, post silly little things, comment on things my friends post and read interesting articles. I think I have under 100 friends. I did not acquire 500 friends to play certain games because I didn't want to received feeds from people I just didn't know. As it is right now I only have feeds to maybe 1/4 of the people on my friends list.
This morning I checked my account and was a little miffed to see several posts from a friend of mine that were quite nasty. They were in reference to the on-going recall happenings. There were also a few comments from others telling him to chill and this wasn't the right place to post his slandering.
I've known this guy since I was 17. He is a hot head who will argue just to argue. He can be dead wrong but will go as far as to become physical in his arguments. He has an alcohol and drug problem as well. Been in rehab several times. Been robbed, been in jail, been in accidents-one that almost killed him and is not claiming to be clean. He lost two brothers to alcohol and has another brother that has been in and out of rehab several times as well. He has lost many friends due to his drinking.
The man had a home repair business that he used as a front. He has not held a regular job since he was 21. Has not filed a tax return since then either. For years he claimed to be self employed but never claimed enough to pay taxes. He is now considered legally blind due to having some issues from birth. He's had several surgeries in the past two years and has now regained 60% of his eyesight.
Thomas hates Walker. His main reason-he feels he is going to lose his benefits. Now, I know some people cannot help the issues dealt them and need assistance to live. There are programs in place for that. However, my issue with him is simply-what have you done for the past 30 or so years that you feel you are owed so much. The county has paid for several rehab stays for you, paid for your surgeries, and now pays you monthly which you supplement with drug sales.
He claims to be clean, except for what he calls medicinal pot. Knowing him he is justifying this is needed for his eyesight issues. Don't get me wrong because he does have some very good qualities. I sat and stared at his posts this morning and considered commenting. Then it hit me-he only rants like this when he has fallen off his wagon. I am willing to bet he has once again slipped back. Once again his friends will try to help him, ones closer to him will suffer his verbal abuse, something bad will happen and he'll check in again. Once again it will be someone else's fault that he failed again. This time it sounds like it's Walkers fault. So instead of commenting I clicked the "unfriend" button.

Borrowing

I detest borrowing things from people, whether it be a dime or a piece of equipment, I have nothing against people who do, I just feel that if the borrowed item is in my possession and it is damaged then it is my responsibility to repair or replace it. Then I may as well purchased what I needed in the first place.
The other day the girls wanted to bake some cupcakes. No problem, so I thought. I went to get the cupcake tins only to find that I now own 1-6 cup tin. After some searching and jogging of my memory I remembered borrowing 2 tins to my sister probably 4 or more months ago. She had to bake a load of cupcakes and only had two tins. So I borrowed them to her. Yesterday I purchased a tin because I am considering the borrowed ones lost forever, along with several DVD's I borrowed her and some other baking items. She is horrible about returning things.
I have a friend that has borrowed from me many times. First off being a tent that was returned with a hole in the floor and a ripped zipper. When mentioned-her and her husband apologized but didn't offer fixing it. She has borrowed numerous items that we've had to go pick up when we've needed them for our own use. This is wrong. When you borrow something, you use it and then your top priority should be to return it in the condition you received it. Take for instance the rug cleaner-I am not going to provide you with the soap as well. You purchase your own soap, clean the unit and return it to me.
I don't know how many oil change wrenches my husband has purchased through out the years due to them not being returned.
There are those I do not mind borrowing to at all. The ones that appreciate the gesture and return things immediately after using it. The ones that will throw in a jug of soup with the return. The ones that I don't have to wonder what happened to my stuff. Maybe a sign out sheet is in order.
My "borrowing" friend loaned me a book a few weeks ago. I am horrible with books and often will return them without reading them because I feel I had them past the alloted time. I asked her about some exercise videos I had borrowed her a few months back. The reply was "yeah I still use them". Well, I would like to use my videos as well. I mentioned returning them as I'd like to use them and got "well let me see if my daughter can copy them for me and then you can have them back". What the hell is that? No, see you return them to me, go to the store like I did and purchase them. About a month ago she returned a dress she had borrowed from me over two years ago. She chuckled when I looked shocked and said she almost took it to the resale shop and had she known I forgot about it she would have.
As I'm typing this I'm trying to think of anything that I would have borrowed and not returned. I can only think of two books.

A Gift

Yesterday was a day of good news. First off my brother in law who had brain surgery four years ago had to have a surgery to adjust his shunt. It was supposed to be a simple surgery but turned out he needed a valve replaced. He did remarkably well and was released after one day. Keeping our fingers crossed that there will be no after effects of this.
On Monday my mother in law had a CT scan to see how effective the chemo was. We didn't expect the results until the 30th-however the coordinator called yesterday to let her know that there were no signs of cancer. Back in August there was an agreement to stop the chemo after the 3rd round of treatment as her blood pressure couldn't be kept under control and she had been in the hospital several times from the effects of the chemo. This was great news. When I spoke with her last night she was still in awe over the results. She is not out of the woods yet as she is still dealing with effects of the stroke she suffered and the blood pressure can still be tweaked a little, but at least now the doom of the cancer has been lifted. As with any cancer victim I'm sure this could just be remission, but for now I guess we'll take whats been dealt. I know my mother in law very well and I'm sure after Christmas she will begin to worry about when its coming back. I suggested she take this gift she has been given a make good use of it. At any rate hopefully we will see some improvement in her attitude toward life.

Mystery Solved

I have a thing about dirty laundry. Not the gossip kind. The kind that piles up in the clothes basket by the washer. I cannot stand going to a laundry mat and feel I have paid my dues in that area. Several times throughout my laundry career I have encountered the broken down washing machine. Usually there is some type of warning that it is not functioning properly.
For the past week or so I noticed that after spinning the clothes were not completely spun out. I mentioned it to my husband and then thought it may be overloaded (working on teaching those girls how to properly load the unit). Last night I went down and threw a load in. I returned 47 minutes later (yes I have it timed) to find the lights out in the area. Went to box and flipped the circuit down. I hear a moaning noise coming from the washer, and the breaker tripped again. I tried hard not to panic when looking at the several loads left to do. I lifted the lid and found the washer 1/2 full of water. Summoned my husband as every time I would flip the breaker back it would trip.
I decided to head back upstairs and wait it out. I've learned that standing over him will just annoy him. He does his best work when not being heckled. After a few minutes I was called to the basement to assist in tipping the washer forward. He announced that there may be something stuck in the pump. Whew! We had that issue a while back as well. My work was done and I headed back upstairs. My first thoughts were "Sure, get a Christmas bonus and possibly have to by a washer". A few minutes later he came upstairs with a very torn up sock. The culprit! The washer was now running smoothly. Is this where all the socks go? Bet they're stuck around the inner rim just waiting to work their way into the small drain tube in the pump.

Had an update on the deadbeat dad last night. Seems he lost the house he was renting. Messaged my daughter to ask what size clothes the baby wore. A baby he has never set eyes on-but has seen one picture to date. He has moved in with his mother and has had the past 3 weeks off to empty out his house and has not done so yet. We wondered if he maybe spent 3 weeks in rehab. Is he going to drop off gifts signed "Love Daddy"? Bitter? Yes, just a tad, but if he is truly making an effort to straighten himself out and can stay clean for the sake of his other two children then I will give him some credit. Addiction is a horrible thing and I know we all have a vice somewhere but I think help should have been sought out sooner. Prior to the birth of the baby my daughter was concerned for his other two children and had contacted his ex to voice her concerns. She was blown off and accused of being a trouble maker. About three weeks ago the ex contacted my daughter voicing her concerns about him using and letting her know that she was not allowing the kids to visit unless he sought help. So now the scenario is-lost house-lost kids-no money and close to losing your job. Maybe rock bottom has hit. I can only hope that his next road is on the way up.

My Christmas Letter

Every year we receive several Christmas letters from distant family members and friends. About 95% of these letters are well written and personal and I enjoy reading them. There is one in particular that I don't even want to open any longer. My husband has a cousin who writes a letter beaming of all her daughters accomplishments. She never mentions the son except to say "Dewey is well". The only mention of her husband is "Chris and I are very proud of Emma (daughter). She speaks mainly of herself and her daughter. Maybe Chris and Dewey opted out?

Receiving the letters makes me wonder of what I would compose in a Christmas letter. I could come up with one mentioning the baby, our camping trips, feeling thankful for our good health and jobs..Then last night I started thinking of writing a very realistic letter reflecting on the past year:

Dear Friends and Family

Packers won the Super Bowl. Ken and Janet threw a great party. Ken got drunk and ripped his jean shirt. Arnie in Ninja form tried to tell Ken some story but Ken was intent on how to explain to his wife that he blew candle wax all over her wall.
Daughter announced her pregnancy. Baby due in September. Says all is going well in her relationship. Girls don't seem happy. I sense something is amiss. Around May
Mother in law diagnosed with ovarian and uterine cancer. Has surgery and does well. Starts Chemo and ends up in the hospital several times with blood pressure issues due to the chemo. Chemo stops-mother in law comes home after rehab for a stroke and does good for a few weeks. Family members decide she is good at home and daughter downstairs can provide care she needs. From the amount of phone calls we are receiving I say she will either be in Assisted Living soon or have in home care.
Get the call in May about daughter moving. We insist she come to our home-figured it was easier than paying her rent when deadbeat dad wouldn't come through. Once the move was made the deadbeat father refused any help until DNA testing.
Made a few camping trips this year. Missed a few due to mother in law in hospital. Watched Dylan play baseball and end up with an excellent season. Football was not so great but still fun to watch.
One of our camping trips was cut short as baby Jake decided to arrive a bit early. Birth went well. He's been a joy but can't seem to get on a schedule yet. He's got a little Thompson in him with his smile after a big poop or crying jag. Just eats at your heart.
Son has been steadily working and has been with his current girlfriend for over a year now. He seems very happy-as I write this I am looking for a piece of wood to knock on.
Arnie is still employed and has been very busy at work kissing some butt. No, seriously-he has been a huge part of the change in ownership and has been busy with moving stores, changing packaging and whatever else makes him so crabby at work.
We bought a shed to store all my daughters belongings-cheaper than paying for storage. I think there is another intent for the shed once she is out. I though about setting up house in there. Nice size-looks homey from the outside.
I am still getting up at the crack of pre-dawn for work. Sometimes my alarm wakes me up-other times I hear the beginning "I'm hungry" cries from Jake.
Deadbeat dad has still not seen his child. It appears his want for drugs has outweighed the gift of a child. Attorney working on revoking any custody rights and I'm convinced he'll sign anything not to pay child support. Guess Jake is better off with that scene for now.
Our house is crowded-trips have been made to the dump and Goodwill to purge out items no longer necessary or that there is no room for.
Mom and Dad are still doing well in Arizona. They came for a visit this summer and were able to spend time with the family. We're still trying to figure out how to convince her to move back. My father wants to be with his kids and grandchildren. Just can't quite figure her out.
Along with the daughter and two girls came Bella the dog and Lilo the cat. The two cats and two dogs seem to get along well. I sometimes feel like Dr. Doolittle in my home-especially at feeding time. I've become used to stepping over two dogs that seem to think that it is a game to seem just how much they can get in the way. Bella keeps our dog Sadie young.
We finally bought an over the range microwave and got rid of the 27 year old one. I miss it! Got a new fridge when ours blew out while camping. Got another new fridge because the first new one we got was to small.
And hell froze over! Our garage is clean! Clean enough for Arnie to park his truck in the garage. The garage door which hasn't worked in years is fixed. I have fear though-I don't know where all the junk that was in the garage went. I'm afraid to open the storage room in the basement.
As I look back I realize that even with all this chaos I feel blessed. At times it seems like everything is getting out of control but we manage to work through it.

From

The Noisey, Bursting at the seams, Crowded but mostly fun Home.

3 Years

I have been blessed with some great friends in my life. Each one of them special in their own way. To lose a friend over an argument or drift apart is one thing. To lose a friend that you have no control over ever getting back is another. A friend that you truly miss every day. One that you could talk to about anything and would always respect your views and listen rather than preach their own views to you. I miss my friend.
Sadly he was taken away from us three years ago today. There is still a lot of sadness yet I can smile when I think of something funny he said or did. He could always make me laugh just hearing his hearty chuckle. I miss the Packer games we watched together (he was my go to guy when I didn't understand a play). I miss the camping fun "I'm going to eat that little runt for breakfast". I just plain miss hanging out with him. What a fun guy he was. If his purpose in life was to make others see what a true friend is all about then I am at peace knowing he fulfilled his duty. Rest in Peace always Randy. :(

27

Seven months prior to this day 27 years ago Arnie proposed to me at the Packing House. Or I should say, attempted to propose to me. We were having a quiet dinner and I saw him reach in his suit jacket (yes he wore a suit) pocket and pull out a ring box. Then I noticed the waitress & hostess heading toward our table. He had a plan. I do not like being in a spotlight, so I very softly said "Don't do this here". He never took the ring out and we finished our dinner and left. He drove across the street to the airplane viewing area and then proposed. I felt a little bad for ruining his plan, but figured if he knew me well enough he would have realized that I am not comfortable in public displays. I'm relieved that there has never been anything plastered on a billboard, displayed on the jumbo tron at a sports event, an ad taken out in newspaper or that we've had to drive like crazy to see the banner being pulled behind an airplane. It's a great gesture to someone who is comfortable in those situations-just not for me.
At the proposal time there was no date set. Just a promise that we would marry. We ended up beginning to plan our wedding in October and pulled everything together by the end of November. When I look back I wonder what we were thinking. The week after Thanksgiving and right before Christmas? His busiest season at work.
Waking up on the morning of our wedding I felt like there were a million things we forgot to do. I never felt dread though. The morning of my first wedding I woke up feeling dread. Worried that I was doing the wrong thing. I remember I cried because I didn't want to go through with it. I felt horrible at the thought of my parents losing out of money for deposits and such. Looking back I think they probably would have been relieved.
There are several things that stick out in my head about our wedding day. He stayed at his brothers house the night before. He called me in the morning to tell me how grossed out he was as they had a portable shower in their basement. He said he had the creeps the entire time he was showering. He forgot his tie but luckily his brother had the same one. I forgot to buy nylons and had to make a trip to the store. We were married in the Courthouse on a Friday early afternoon. My sister in law had stayed with me and was to drive herself, I and our daughters there. Her car wouldn't start. Arnie had my car. Nice guy downstairs gave her a jump. My dad was working at the Police Administration at the time and came to the ceremony in his Police uniform, gun and all, and stood right behind my husband. Beside the goof up in what to do between the wedding and dinner (5 hours) the rest of the day went off without to much confusion. My cake was delivered to the wrong place, but was worked out before it was needed.
The next glitch was after the wedding when I had never made plans for what to do with my kids. Thanks Mom & Dad for thinking of that one. We got to the hotel to find out that the suite he booked was double booked. Didn't really want to share a room with another couple so we took the "free" room they offered for their error and the gift certificate for a future date.
So today marks 27 years of wedded bliss. There have been the usual ups and downs of married life, but still to this day I feel no dread and know I did the right thing. Married a man who has been a good friend, a great father and role model for the kids and has never flown a banner over our house or plastered a note of his love for me on a billboard. For that I am thankful.

Thankful

As I look back on the past year I find once again that I have plenty to be thankful for every day. This day brings the opportunity to step back and really appreciate the little things in life we take for granted.

I'm thankful for the gift of life and for God granting me the parents he did.
I'm thankful for a happy childhood provided by my parents.
I'm thankful for them working hard to provide for their family and urging us to always do the best we could.
I'm thankful they never berated us-but instead instilled good morals and confidence in us.
I'm thankful they didn't take my back talk serious-but instead chalked it up to the teenage years.
I'm thankful for the sperm donor (that's all I got) who along with me gave the gift of life to my children.
I'm thankful for the memories I have of them growing up.
I'm thankful they still keep me busy.
I'm thankful I was able to (with help at times) provide them with a good and safe home.
I'm thankful for my fathers nudge and pep talks about life.
I'm forever thankful for their help when things were low.
I'm thankful for my husband of 27 years. He gets on my nerves at times but I thank God every night for bringing him in to my life.
I'm thankful my husband has been an excellent role model for my children and has raised them as his own.
I'm thankful for 4 beautiful Grandchildren. Each one, in their own little ways have brought joy to my life.
I'm thankful for the smiles, the tears, the long talks, ball games, silliness at Grandmas house, the stories, the tons of laughter, the pictures that hang on my fridge, the cards they make me, and the excitement on their faces when they have a story.
I am thankful that we both get up in the morning and have jobs to go to, a roof over our heads and no creditors banging down our doors.
I'm thankful my mother in law is feisty and strong enough to still be here with us, and for the funny stories she's told me on our long visits.
I'm thankful for my friends. Each and every one of them have brought joy to my life in some way. Every single one of them is special to me.
I'm thankful for my siblings and fortunate enough to share many memories-happy or sad with them. I couldn't have asked for better sibs.
I'm thankful for the memories of have of David. I'm certain that 3 years later not a day goes by that I don't think of him in some way.
I'm thankful for our health and that I still wake up every morning.
I'm thankful that my older brother married the best friend I could ask for and along with her came her wonderful family as well. Really, really thankful.


Oh and the list could go on and on-In general I am a very thankful person for the gift of life.

Grounded

It's sometimes difficult as a parent to discipline your children and hold to the punishment. I know as a child I thought I had it all figured out on how to drive my parents nuts enough to let me out of a grounding. My dad was a tad bit more stubborn then I, so I tried a different approach. "Never let them see you sweat". I acted like I really didn't care. Sat in my room with a book near by that I could pick up when ever they came to check on me. I wasn't a bad teenager, I just always wanted to have the final say.
As I became a parent I tried to talk sense in to my children. If you lie you will get caught, if you mouth off you will be punished, if you steal anything that doesn't belong to you prepare to sit for a long time, if you come home with bad grades you will spend a lot of time at studying. They were pretty good kids, but there were some groundings along the way. My son would go downstairs and blast his rap music thinking he would drive us crazy and we'd let him out. Fuse boxes are a wonderful thing. I can only think of one time my daughter was grounded, and for good cause. She didn't seem to care (just like me)
As a grandparent it is sometimes difficult to see your grandchildren punished. My parents thought I was to hard on my kids (they softened in their elevated age). In fact if I would yell at my kids in front of my mother she would shush me and give them a cookie or something. She referred to it as their safe haven.
Well, now that we have these 13 going on 18 year old girls living in our home I am getting caught up in the Grandma thing-but still have the instincts of a parent. I was wondering how long it was going to take their father and my daughter to get together and put the brakes on. They were busted out over the weekend for lying and using the old "Mom said it was okay" to their father and vice verse to their mother. But not wise enough to think the parents would talk to each other. This prompted their father to head to the mall and find his girls and take them home. Grounded from phone, computer, sleep overs,facebook, friends and if he had it his way he would be at school during their lunch hour.
This all happened on Sunday. On Monday I picked them up from school and the two girls who usually are constantly on their phones from the time they get in the car were silent. I was supposed to play dumb (daughters request) and asked how their weekend was. Already knowing the entire story I was impressed to hear them both describe in detail the events leading to the grounding. They did not look for sympathy, nor did I offer. I made a comment that if you have to lie about something then you know it is wrong, and you will always get caught. They both nodded and I mentioned that probably all they were taking in from me at the moment was "blah, blah, blah". I was also impressed by the comment "Yeah, we have a lot to learn. We thought we were pretty smart".
I will say, their room is clean, their laundry is done and I think I actually saw one of them with a book. This act will not get by me, and hopefully not their parents.

Never on a Sunday

I made a huge mistake yesterday. I grocery shopped on a Sunday. Knowing that I'd be going I planned to be up and out of the house before 9. Due to my husband working on my truck I was somewhat delayed until after 11. No problem-I figured the hot ham & free rolls people would be between the first and second wave. I needed some things from the deli and while I was standing there waiting for my number to be called I thought of an idea for the hot ham and rolls. Make a separate section. There were so many people who were in line for just that item. They weren't ordering other lunch meats or salads. Maybe dedicate one deli employee to dish out the hot ham. Then if they want something else from the deli make them go wait in line with the other customers who are held up because of the hot hammers.
They also need to reorganize the store entry. Upon entering the store you are right in the produce section. People grab a cart and then stop and sort through their shopping list and coupons, blocking the way for other customers.
As I shopped I found them to be out of several items I had coupons for. When I asked an employee if these items were available I was told "Probably have some in the back but we're short handed and no one has time to restock". I thought that is what the third shift stockers do? After continuing to shop I noticed a lot of semi-empty shelves and wondered if my local PnS was having some issues. The only near competition they have is Walmart. I've grocery shopped at Walmart and find nothing cheap or special about their grocery department.
The plus side of the trip was saving over $52.00 using coupons. Had I made it there on Saturday it could have been an additional $10.00 with the coupon doubling. I shall try to use my noggin next week and have this task done prior to Sunday morning.
I've stupidly shopped on Sunday mornings in the past and found no difference yesterday due to there not being a Packer game. I think it's the hot ham and Sunday paper coupons that sends everyone out in droves.

Always Next Year

I had to opportunity to attend Sunday's Brewer game against St. Louis. Unfortunately the Brewers lost bringing our baseball season to an end. That happened to be the only negative of the event. J had been able to secure some tickets which I am very grateful for.
We left for the game about 45 minutes before the parking lot was to open. As we were heading toward Miller Park we were a little taken back by the lack of traffic. There was no line until we were already in the park area and there were about 15 cars ahead of us. Managed to park in the 4Th row toward the end. Best parking I've ever had. The atmosphere was great, fellow fans were friendly and the weather was accommodating (except when the sun disappeared behind the clouds). We even scored on some free hot dogs being passed out for our grilling pleasure.
We went in to the stadium about 1/2 hour before game time and there wasn't much of a line. Then we did the climb to the top row in the park. Good view of the entire field and the scoreboard.
The "surprise" guest ended up to be Sully to throw out the first ball. I thought it was a pretty good move to honor Prince in what could be his last stand as a Brewer at Miller Park.
Being at any game at Miller Park is special but viewing the sea of white towels waving in the air was beyond belief. The fans were ready for a game and still had faith after a few bad innings. Up until the 7th inning you could still sense the glimmer of hope. In the 7th J and I noticed a lot of people leaving. We discussed how bad those people would feel if there were a rally. We decided to stay until the very end. In the back of my head I kept thinking about the 3 or so hours of sleep I was going to get, but this being one of those "once in a life time" experiences I saw no problem with staying.
By the eighth inning we began to notice the St. Louis fans making their way to the seats behind their dugout. I assume Brewer fans were giving up their seats for them. By the ninth inning about 80% of the section behind the dugout was taken over by St. Louis. At first I felt a ping of anger, but then after logically thinking I thought "how exciting for them". At the final out and loss Brewer fans still cheered on their team as St. Louis began to celebrate. Guess it would have been better for them to win the game at home, but there seemed to be quite a few fans to cheer them on.
I thank the Brewers for a good season and the excitement experienced in their run for the World Series, for the guys on the team that make it special and for the fellow fans who appreciate the game and back their team no matter what. There's always next year (as I heard the father tell his visibly upset youngster).

The Little Things

Some of those who read this will find an appreciation-some won"t.
Since my last post my mother-in-law has improved somewhat. She has been told by her chemo doctor that he will no longer give or recommend any treatment. Some family members do not seem to have an issue with his decision. The main reason for stopping was her blood pressure. I find it hard to believe that in this day and age doctors cannot work together to find a happy medium for her. As it stands right now another scan will be done in December to see how far her cancer has progressed. What they will do with those results are unknown at this time.

Our grandson decided to arrive a few weeks early. Guess he was as anxious as the rest of us were. He's been a pretty good baby so far. Some tummy issues and he is known to pass gas like a man already. I've always loved to observe the discovery points in a baby's life. He knows certain voices and will turn his head when his mom or I speak. The little guy is awake and very alert for several hours at a time now. Unfortunately he has his days and nights a little mixed up. The true smiles are starting to appear. The kind that make your heart melt. I had a slightly crummy day at work yesterday and when I arrived home he was awake and very alert. I hijacked him from his mother and went to sit down in the living room for a bit. Did the usual soft talking and noticed him reaching his hand up to my face. After several attempts and a little help he succeeded. He then grasped my finger and gave a huge smile. I knew it was a real smile verses an uncontrolled smile. Saw the dimples and just about melted. His other discovery over the past few days have been his hands. He will contently lay on his side and stare as he's moving his hands around. You know he's thinking that there is a use for them.
I don't know how anyone in their right mind could not be amazed watching a baby grow to discover the world around them.

Hang On There

I think our lives may return to some normalcy. As I type this I'm desperately looking for a piece of wood to knock on. Doris is improving each day and although not completely out of the woods yet-she has a positive attitude and a goal of returning to her own home soon. Today she will be moved to the rehab floor of the hospital verses moving to a rehab center. We met the team that will be working with her and feel at ease with them.
My concerns are for when she is released from rehab and ready to go home and then wants to start her Chemo again. She was pretty weak from her surgery when she started her first round of chemo and we all thought it was to soon. Her cardiac and primary physicians are both saying no more. This will be a tough choice for her to make given that she'll be told the blood pressure issues could do her in. There hasn't been a time frame set on how long it will be until the cancer takes her. At last CT scan a month ago the tumor had not grown. The family has talked about it and each voiced their opinions. No one wants to see her in any pain. No one wants her to suffer any further damage due to blood pressure issues. This isn't our decision to make. She currently cannot recall what lead to the incident that brought her to the hospital-nor nine days of being in ICU. I guess that in itself should raise a flag to her.
I've been waiting for the worrying Doris to show up and found out yesterday that her doctor does have her on a low dose of anti-anxiety medication. She's pretty determined to get herself up and going. A direct quote "I am sick of my self pity party."
We have one more camping trip planned. As selfish as it sounds, I would like to go. We need to go. If I have to I will get one more trip in this season. It could mean the my husband and I may be braving some cold and snow-but we will go at least once more this year.

You Go Doris!

Went to visit Doris yesterday and saw some improvement. I walked in on her speaking to a Rehab nurse and was able to answer some questions regarding her recent experiences as she had no recollection of the events leading up to her incident. A few days back a Social Worker had asked several questions in regards to how well she could take care of herself-laundry, cooking, cleaning and personal care. She had the answer to the personal care right but I knew she was still a little foggy in answering the rest of the questions. Yesterday the answers more realistic.
It looks as if she may be able to fulfill her rehab needs right in the hospital verses going to a center. We'll have that answer today. For the most part-she's a little weak, her eyesight is not so good and she has some coordination issues. The doctor isn't sure how much of her eyesight she'll regain. (mind you she told me that she could see my pretty brown eyes. I teared up a little at that one).
She was very positive about a rehab program and went on to blame herself for her recent incident. She said she hadn't done anything for herself and felt she sat in her chair and wallowed in self pity. I explained to her that she had been through a lot in a few months and her body and mind took a beating. I saw a little bit of the woman I knew prior to all her health issues. I dreaded the question I knew she would eventually ask. "when can I start my chemo again". It came and I looked at my husband to step up and answer. "Mom, you have to get your body back to being able to handle any more chemo and then your doctor will talk to you". I felt that was about as good as an answer he could have given her. Problem is-her doctor has told us that the chances of her having any more chemo are slim to none. She's proved people wrong before so we'll see if she can do it again.
Doris is really pushing for her grandson to be born. I'm excited as well but am hoping he hangs on until the Sept. 22nd date. I really want to make the next camping trip. I think my husband and I both need a weekend of relaxation, fresh air and some time with our friends. They are the best remedy for troubled minds.

Two Wishes

Doris was moved out of ICU Saturday night. She is out of danger as far as her blood pressure is concerned. There has been remarkable improvement over the past few days. Saturday morning she was alert and very passive. Her eyesight was blurry and her hand eye coordination was a bit shaky. She required assistance with eating.
Yesterday morning we arrived as her doctor was checking her over. There is talk of her needing oxygen at night to keep her levels up. This is something that had been discussed as she was usually tired and weak.
There was a difference in her. We saw the mom that had been missing for a while. She was happy and somewhat worry free. She inquired about her bills being paid, told me where things pertaining to bill payment was and remembered some banking that she had done a few days before her incident. She did not remember what happened to bring her to the hospital, but did remember feeling tired and weak the day or two before.
It was after a few minutes that she asked about the chemo and whether or not she would be able to finish it. The three of us in the room fell silent for a moment. "Well, at this point in time it's on hold. We're going to have to see what your doctor thinks. First of all we need to work on getting you stronger and in to rehab". She seemed content with this answer for a moment and then turned to me and said "I have two wishes. One is to see my grandson be born and the second is to visit my grand daughter's new home(just bought a 100 year old house in upstate New York)". Had to clear my throat a little and told her I would do my best to make sure both those things would happen.
She is on 3 types of blood pressure medication and her bp is good. This is the only medication she is on right now. Gone are all the other things she was taking, but also gone is the shoulder pain and wrist pain from her arthritis. Gone is the constant worrying. She asked about things with an air of confidence around her that I hadn't seen in a long time.
Here's the weird thing...When I was sitting with her in ICU she was holding my hand very tight. This was on the day they claim she had the stroke. She had woken up and was staring straight ahead and had a tight grip on my hand. She said to me "do you feel that? Someone is pulling us". I had told her I didn't feel anything. She told me not to let go of her because she didn't want to go so I stayed right there. A little bit later she relaxed her grip and fell back asleep. Yesterday she told me she had a weird dream that her and I were in a storm and being pulled out of her house and I held on to her to keep her from being sucked away. Gave me the willies for a minute. Maybe I read to many books, but I believe they weren't quite ready for her yet.

Bad Turn

Things with Doris took a turn yesterday. It's been confirmed that she suffered a stroke on Tuesday with not so good results. Two of her doctors are working closely to get her blood pressure under control. Main issue is not having her kidneys shut down. Her tired body seems to want to reject any medication to lower her blood pressure. It will stabilize for a bit and slowly creep back up. The neurologist ordered an additional test which could show some reasoning. He's looking for possible bleeding on the brain. We won't have results from this test until later today. He wants to move her to the NICU unit but she has to be out of the clear for any kidney and blood pressure issues first.
The news was broke yesterday that when she recovers she will be in rehab for quite a while depending on what she may regain after the swelling on her brain goes down. At first the swelling was being attributed to her chemo. Not so much any more as the chemo should be out of her body now. They see no further chemo in the future. Her cancer was at stage 3 prior to her surgery. Their is still a tumor in her aorta lymph nodes which was to risky to remove. After her first round of chemo it had shrunk very little. She was scheduled for two more treatments. As of right now we do not know the status of the cancer. The highest prioity is getting things under control.
Little bit of breakdown of some of the family last night. Quite understandable for what is going on. Stress and worry will do that to you. This came after the doctor's request for a copy of her living will. I have faith and have said plenty of prayers. The later of them being to get her out of pain-whatever it takes. She's just so tired.

Frustrated

It was back to work yesterday with a stop at the hospital afterwards. Doris had been showing some improvement, but yesterday was a little discouraging. She woke up good and had her gathers together. The longer she was awake the foggier she got. I got there just as she woke from a nap. She knew me and we chatted about simple things. Within moments she was off somewhere else. The blood pressure is still bouncing around and she's on small doses of anti-anxiety medication to keep her calm. We've been told that with a spike in the blood pressure it can take days to level out and who knows how long to return to a semi normal state.
For the most part there has been excellent communication between family members that are there. Emails and text messages are abundant. Older sister Sue is at the hospital during the day and the rest of us file in after 3. Tempers were remaining at bay until yesterday.
There seems to be an issue with brother Mike. First off it took him a day and a half to show up after numerous calls to him. No excuse-he's off work for the next 6 weeks for a shut down. Claims we didn't explain the seriousness of the incident. I don't know what spell out serious more than "We're losing Mom". After his initial visit he committed to staying with her during the evening hours. He's failed miserably at helping out. He's come to taking command during the few hours he's appeared and has suddenly become an expert in brain injuries. For the sake of my mother in law I grit my teeth and smile a lot when in the room. I thought it was just me until we got outside and my usually meek husband gave him a piece of his mind. Mike is leaving town for a race and will be gone for the next week. I'm not saying we should park ourselves there and I realize one must continue their normal life to prevent an overload however-having a doctor say "She's by no means out of the woods" may make me stick close to home. We made the decision to opt out of camping this weekend. There will always be another opportunity for camping.
As he was telling us about his trip he turned to his daughter who has been at her Grandmothers side as much as she can and asked if she wanted to come along to Tennessee for the race. I saw daggers as she said "No Dad, and I don't think you should be leaving right now either". He feels the rest of the family has it under control. What he doesn't see is his sister is tired and could use a break. He sees himself, which is what he has always done.
My question for the day is-why would you give a person who barely has motor skills spaghetti? I must say I was impressed at Doris's ability to balance a noodle on her fork even if she couldn't get it to her mouth.

3 Years

Today marks 3 years since my brother David passed away. My reminders of this started last Thursday. My mother in law Doris was once again admitted to the hospital. Upon leaving the emergency department she was transferred to the same floor my brother was on. At least she's at the other end of the hallway.
When I was taking the elevator up the other day I heard the "code 4" announcement that I'd heard 3 years ago when I got the call about my brother coding.
So more so because of being emotionally stressed over Doris,trying to be strong for my husband, being tired, and being flooded with memories I had a little private cry.
I still get sad over the events of his death. I still wonder if more could have been done. I'm at peace with them doing all they could do to safe him and am at peace with the decision to have them stop after 15 minutes, just wonder if prior to those events if anything more could have been done.
I think more now of his laughter and constant antics. My brother loved to write-couldn't spell worth a damn, but wrote some funny and interesting life stories.
Many times I still want to pick up the phone and tell him something.
There's a new baby coming into the family and I know "Uncle David" would have been one of the first to see and hold the new addition. I miss sharing things with him.
At some point in time I know I'll be content with the memories, but for now I'm still a little sad about losing a brother to soon, and his daughters losing a great father. Their ability to achieve the things they are would make him proud.

We almost lost Doris the other day. As I stood among the family and heard the news I could see the reality of this hitting them. They were raised to respect their mother and when their father passed at a young age they began to make sure she was taken care of. She opted for the surgery and chemo to treat her cancer. We supported her and many of us kicked it up a notch to help her out. Her first two chemo treatments went good. After the 3rd treatment she ended up in the hospital for a week. One of the chemo drugs caused some brain swelling. She went back in twice after that, but for short stays. This current one was serious and attributed to her blood pressure spiking. She's naturally a worry wart so keeping it under control is critical. After three days of being unresponsive she woke in a panic. Two days later they still haven't been able to find the magic formula for the blood pressure. She's responsive and alert but once she starts thinking about the hospital and her bills-she's off again. People started going back to work yesterday after knowing she was somewhat out of danger. My thoughts are this is going to be awhile. The bad news is her doctor told us that she has to make a choice between the chemo or her blood pressure. Originally the plan was to shrink down the tumor they could not remove, until it was small enough, and then do the surgery. Doc says no to that now-she won't make it through the surgery. This news hasn't been broken to her yet, and I know she won't be strong enough for that for a while. She's a fighter usually, but she's just so damn tired.

Loser X 10

Despite all the recent hassles we were able to make it to State Fair twice this year. The first time was a hotter than hell Sunday and we took the three grand kids. Spent the majority of our time at the Mid-way and then wandering around through a record crowd day to find something to eat. Of course no one wanted the same thing to eat. I found my husband to be the most annoying one. He walks the Fair like he shops. From one end to the other and doesn't listen when his lovely wife looks on a map and gives him directions. After being there for about 5 hours I took a look at three wilted kids and a crabby husband and decided to call it a day. They all took naps when they got home.
The second time was this past Sunday. The last day of the fair and my company picnic as well. The company function is held in the white tent area at the edge of the fair. I go mainly to see if I can continue my losing record at door prizes. There aren't many people from my department that go and most people just come for the lunch and door prizes.
We went fairly early as it was a great day weather wise. Did some walking around and my husband sampled a few food items. The company lunch was catered by Saz's and very much a disappointment to many. In the past we've had the shredded pork however this year it was missing from the menu. In it's place were some very dry grilled pork chops. Not much of a selection of food-but one can't complain much about eating free.
Door prize time came and went and I continued on my losing streak. It's so bad that I came within 3 pretzels of "guess the pretzels in the container". But wait, I had one more chance to win something. There was a scavenger hunt. 18 questions regarding the Fair. Most of the answers could be found in the information brochure. The remainder required walking around to get the answers. I was pretty sure I had them all. When they announced the winner yesterday they said 4 people got all the answers correct and they had to "pick from the hat". Well once again the loser holds her standing. We're still waiting for them to publish the answers.

Get Me My Arby's

I had a few moments of quiet last night and some time to reflect on the past few months. I wondered where my summer went. There have been a few camping trips-not as many as in the past, one festival, a total miss of Summerfest and one or two barbeque's. The majority of my time has been spent moving my daughter and girls back in, getting ready for a baby , over at my mother in laws house or visiting her in the hospital.
Doris has had a rough time. It doesn't help that she's a naturally pessimistic person. If I had a nickle for every time I've heard "that's not going to work" over the past few months I wouldn't need to work. She's been handling her chemo treatments well, but will suffer from every side effect there is. I've become way to familiar with two major hospitals in the area and also with her doctors.
The care of Doris was supposed to be divided between all the family members. Downstairs Debbie takes the brunt of it with living in the same household. DD's kids are lazy to say the least. I can't even say kids as two of them are in their early 20's. Getting either of them to mow the lawn is a joke. The third one lives upstairs with Doris and does brighten her day but is lazy as well.
My main task seems to be cleaning her house and helping her figure out her bills. My frustration is all the people who come to "visit" her and can't as much as take out her garbage or straighten up a little. I do feel she could do more for herself such as the little tasks of cleaning the bathroom, dusting or doing dishes. For a while I was stopping every day and taking care of these things. I skipped a few days thinking she'd do for herself. I have a different sense of clean, so when I asked DD if things were cleaned up she assured me all was well. I stopped there to find dishes piled up in the sink, the bathroom a wreck and things that were dropped on the floor that Doris can't pick up.
Doris has become very demanding. She's always grateful, but her approach sometimes lacks politeness. On my way home yesterday I received a frantic call from DD asking if I was stopping over. Dd had been out running errands yesterday and upon returning home Doris wanted to know where her Arby's was. DD was puzzled as she did not recall Doris requesting this. I've seen and heard Doris in her demanding mode but through the phone yesterday I heard "Dammit Debbie, where is my Arby's" in a tone I've never heard before. Guess who made the special trip to Arby's and stocked her up on roast beef sandwiches for a day or so? I was her hero for at least an hour or so.
On a different subject, the baby will be delivered September 22nd and things are moving along pretty smoothly in preparing things. My house seems to be getting smaller every day. She's doing pretty well considering all the back issues she had. The waddle is prominent now and she's grateful for the break in the heatwave. We just hope that the ultrasound is correct or the girl could be wearing all little boy clothes.