Sunday, August 24, 2008

Ode To Dave

I've had some sad days in my life but today will rate as the saddest.
My brother who had been in the hospital for two weeks passed away at 345 this afternoon. He went in about two weeks ago with difficulty breathing. He was diagnosed with ARDS. On Tuesday this week they induced a coma and put a trachea in so he would be in complete rest and his lungs would be able to oxygenate. There was a routine of turning him every six hours from his back to stomach to see where the better results were.
My other brother and I were at the hospital this afternoon for a visit. Even though he was heavily sedated we'd go visit and leave notes to him and each other. This past two weeks I've how much care and love my family has for each other. My parents should be proud!
We left the hospital around 315 and I went on my way. I decided to call my parents for the daily update and made a stop at Kohl's. I no sooner had a cart in hand when my phone rang. It was a call from the hospital saying he was coding. The nurse though we were still in the hospital. Panic set in to say the least. Not sure how many people I pushed through to get back to my car. I made 1 call to my husband and asked that he make calls to get my siblings up there. Upon entering the hospital I could hear them paging doctors to MRICU stat.
When I got to the floor and saw the nurse in tears I knew something was not good. I was allowed to stand outside his door and saw a group of people desperately trying to help him. By the time the rest of my siblings arrived they had been at it for over 15 minutes. My thanks to the Chaplin who stood by my side. A doctor then came and told us that he had had no pulse for 1/2 hour and even if they could revive him now he had been without oxygen to his brain for 1/2 hours. We had no option but to tell them to let him go.
As I sat in a room with my siblings, children, Gambino (who really is my sister) and my husband I couldn't help but feel all our pain. There was anger from some, which is a way to release sadness, there were questions, there was more crying when thinking about his girls who he loved so much. I made two to my parents which was hard and one to his ex.
There's a big blur for awhile as we were talked to by the doctor, we thanked the team that tried so hard and we were allowed to say goodbye to our brother. Then it was like everyone kicked it in. We removed his personal things from his room and big brother Ken started to make some arrangements.
The next hardest thing was to tell his girls. His ex did not want to do this alone so I asked her to meet at our house. They pulled in right after us and as I watched them walk up the driveway I was at a complete loss for words. All I could keep telling them was how much he loved them. Fifteen & ten are to young to loose their dad. The youngest one had to be reassured that they would still be coming to family functions.
This past 8 hours has been an emotional roller coaster. I've cried, been angry, tried to get my mind off it and completely lost it several times. My husband's tee shirt is sopping wet and there are not enough kleenex in this house to gather the tears shed by all of us.
I had to make calls to his two jobs and landlord. All three of these people expressed their sympathy and then went on to say that they'd never seen a man that loved his girls more.
I started to think about him a lot tonight. I remember the day he was born. I remember at 14 having to watch him all the time and as much as I whined about it, he was never a problem. He was a fun and silly little kid. He got in his share of trouble and my parent's dubbed him the problem child. My kids loved him. He was their babysitter for a long time and I never worried when he had them. He used to tell me that one goal in his life was to have a family. He tried hard to hold things together when his wife and him had problems, but things just didn't work.
Dave (aka boarder brother) did fun things with his girls. It wasn't a bother to him to take them places. The guy had a heart of gold and would always be there in times of need.
We lost our brother today and in my heart I truly want to believe that God had a bigger plan for him. I know in time the pain will subside but what do you do in the mean time?

1 comment:

J. Gambino said...

We just keep on breathing I guess.